Connect to Confidence - 21-06-2008

Connect to Confidence

Confidence is the measure that you use when assessing how you feel about yourself.

About a decade ago an interesting survey was undertaken. People such as Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Maggie Thatcher, Bill Gates, Mick Jagger among others were asked if they wished that they were more confident. The result? A conclusive and unanimous "Yes!" How could people of such public stature with seemingly oodles of confidence need for more of it?

The truth is that no matter who we are, at some time or another we have all listened to our own negative self-talk. Its this incessant chatter that often marginalises our potential. I recall being told that if I spoke to my friends, like I spoke to myself in my mind, I would no longer have any friends. Of course I would never speak to my friends like I used to speak to myself in my own head. We are often our own worst critics. Name calling, rebuking and self-flagalation are common attempts at whipping ourselves into shape, although these methods seldom provide empowering or productive results.

Three (key) factors determine our confidence, are what we focus upon, they are: -

1. How we see ourselves (in our mind and literally) interacting with the world around us.
2. How we talk to ourselves in our mind.
3. How we feel about ourselves.

First let us address how we see ourselves. When we view ourselves in the mirror, what we see is determined not by our reality, but the filters in our mind as to how we see ourselves in relation to past experiences. For instance, if someone who we respected, or adored said that our ears were too big (a judgment of course), then we may only see the size of our ears each time we look in the mirror.

Secondly, how we talk to ourselves. The negative chatter in our minds can stem from how our parents, friends and significant others spoke to us or how we, at some level, feel about our ability to interact with the world and ultimately succeed.

Thirdly, how we feel about ourselves. This is usually the final determinant resulting from how we see ourselves and the internal chatter, often the conclusive result as to how we address the first two points.

Could it be that confidence is not only our state of mind, but also our state of feeling? In other words, what we see determines how we feel about ourselves or our situation. Here is a key. If we can create an empowered or positive state, be it real or imagined, then this is useful in building our confidence.

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Here are some tips to help you to create a confident state...

Easy and Practical Self confidence tips

Everybody needs a confidence boost sometimes, so here are a few tips...

1) Focus upon others and not yourself

When we lose confidence, it is usually by focusing upon ourselves in a disempowering way. That is see the areas in which we lack, listen to our negative self talk or search our feelings of low self-esteem.

When we focus upon others, we are not focusing upon ourselves. As you approach someone in a social setting, become curious about who they are, what they do and what their passions are, or what brought them to the event. Comment on something about them that you genuinly like - all the while you are not focusing on yourself and you will hear yourself sounding confident, see yourself initiating conversation and feel more confident as a result.

2) Find 3 things that make you feel good

We have discussed focus in earlier Life Beyond Limits News stories, so you know that what you focus upon expands. So expand all the good stuff. Recall 3 things that cause you to feel good. Think to the past for memories of great times, hear your favourite uplifting music playing in your mind, feel the warmth of a wonderful summer holiday, see the smiling face of a loved one. Any 3 things that cause you to smile to yourself is useful.

Practicing bringing these three things to mind will develop lasting self confidence due to the way emotions become 'anchors' and attach themselves to memories. This techique will have you feeling good about your life and so, feeling good about you and your confidence will subsequently rise.

3) Beat Self Consciousness with distractions

Confidence's poison is self consciousness. It is usually when you focus upon yourself that you become critical. Learn how to keep your attention off yourself. You can do this easily by following these steps...

a) If you notice you have become self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something 'everyday' you can see and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.

b) If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:

find out if you like the other people in the situation
make others feel comfortable
find out some information
make business contacts
and so on...

It's easy to feel self-conscious if you have nothing to do, and much more difficult if your attention is occupied by a task.

Think how comfortable you have been with others when you're all working toward a common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends, it could be the exchange of mutually beneficial information, it could be whatever you want it to be!

4) Don't Take Undue Criticism - Even From Yourself !

Challenge your own assumptions. Here's some to get you started:

a) If you're saying things to yourself like "You'll never succeed" then rest assured, you're wrong. How do you know that you'll never succeed, you haven't even experienced your future yet. Einstein said, "Practice something for 15 minutes a day and by the end of the year you will be an expert", not only will you succeed but you'll be an expert to boot! Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing will damage your self image.

b) Just because your confidence is low, doesn't mean other people can tell.

Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad for no reason!

c) Confident-looking people have bad moments too.

d) Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen hundreds of people surprise themselves once they have learned how to build self confidence in a way that it stays built!

e) If you would like to improve your confidence - consider our Life Beyond Confidence Pack - click here for more information - you'll be taken to our Shop and when you arrive there, scroll down.

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If you'd like to join us at "Confidence Beyond Limits!" - to find out when we're next running this talk - Click Here or paste this link in your browser: http://www.lifebeyondlimits.com.au/ConfidenceBeyondLimits

Improve your level of Confidence

WEALTH WEEKEND (Melbourne and Brisbane, Australia) - Lift your levels of confidence by expanding your wealth in the areas of Health, Happiness and Finance by attending our Wealth Weekend - you'll find out more with this link.
HYPNOTIC CD's - Increase your confidence by listening to Hypnotic CD's that install confidence into your subconscious with Life Beyond Limits - Installing Your Potential Hypnotic CD's. You can listen to these each night and while you sleep, install a confident mindset - you'll find out more with this link.

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